is it okay to not know what I want?

I lie awake under the stars –

they’re spinning – before returning

to the tend with empty bottles

of sauvignon blanc well gone.

Is it okay to not know what

to believe, to be equally torn

between confusion and the secret

of what I really want to believe?

The shame makes its way out of

my mouth into loaded air,

familiar words that fall lame

on even my own ears. I have become

friendly with sparrows

and frustrating flatmates and neighbors,

I can see how the flowing river

of love and spiritual existence is

always moving, changing, rubbing me raw.


Alexis Draut is a native Kentuckian, born and raised in both Louisville and Danville, KY. She heavily associates with her sense of place, whether that be her homes in Kentucky, Georgia, Colorado or New Zealand.

She became interested in poetry and creative writing at a young age, has taken classes, and participated in poetry groups as well as writing workshops. Her writing heavily revolves around her passions for social justice, gender equality, environmental preservation, spiritual curiosity, the earth, and nonviolence. Her favorite pastimes besides writing are reading, water coloring, gardening, swimming, tide pooling and listening to Brandi Carlile. While Alexis is a newly public poet, she has recently been published in Buddy. A lit zine with her piece “lost”, Jenny Mag (YSU Literary) with “Norfolk pine”, and Havik Anthology with “earthquake.”

July 10, 2018

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